What was I thinking?

This week was the first week I seriously questioned my sanity about my schooling.  I left school yesterday feeling very defeated.  Pharmacology is my nemesis!  Even studying drugs can mess with you mind.  After our test yesterday, I was in bed and fast asleep by 830.  I know I can overcome, but holy smokes!

I was always taught when taking on a huge task always know the real reason for doing it.  For me, taking on nursing school was about having a career.  Not just any career, a career that will leave a positive impact on the world and provide versatility.  A career that requires humility and provides mercy and grace.  A career that is a network, or a family, just by entering the field.  A career that changes nightly, and even by the minute, and is never the same 2 days in a row.

I am so thankful to have clinical days.  Being on the floor, rubbing shoulders with real nurses, and providing care is what is going to keep me going for all the semesters I have left.  Our instructors make us feel smarter and give us credit for thinking on our feet, or critically thinking.  I think they might even be a little proud of us.  It feels awesome to be able to leave the hospital knowing I did the right thing instead of leaving with a touch of fear because I just didn't know how I did until the clinical ticket came back.  I think I will forever be afraid of the letter U because 5 of these will make my nursing career come to a screeching halt.

I have to keep myself aware of all of this.  Otherwise, I will end up huddled in a corner rocking and crying wondering why I did this to myself and my family.  It's easy to forget the good and the potential for greatness when I am overcome with the feeling of defeat.  All it takes is one foot in front of the other to keep moving forward.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look no only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

~Philippians 2:3-5